NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA: User Guide and Manual
by Vanechka
Summary: CONGRATULATIONS! You have just purchased your very own NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit. We have written this manual for you, the owner, to ensure that you will be able to avoid painful brushes with death...LolliDictator style


**A/N: So yeah, this is the Belarus manual ^J^ Anyway, become one with Russia, da?**

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><p><strong>CONGRATULATIONS<strong>! You have just purchased your very own NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit. We have written this manual for you, the owner, to ensure that you will be able to unlock your Unit's full potentials while at the same time avoiding painful brushes with death. Mistreatment of the NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit may usually prove to be dangerous and rather lethal.

**Technical Specifications:**

Name: Natalya Arlovskaya. Will respond to "Belarus", "Republic of Belarus", "Belorussia", "White Rus", "Беларусь", "Natalya", "Nata", "Natasha", "Soviet Union", "Litbel Republic", "Dictator Bitch", "Sestra" or "Little Sister", although it may be dangerous to try the last two options if you are not an IVAN BRAGINSKI or YEKATERINA CHERKONO Unit. The third last option should not be attempted at all times, and the fourth last option should only be attempted if she is in a relationship with a TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit. Note that this Unit may also respond for a nearby IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit when he is called.

Age: 19

Place of Manufacture: Minsk, Belarus

Height: 5' 3" (160 cm)

Weight: 95lbs

Cup Size: Definitely not as bouncy as her older sister. But she's pretty the way she is.

**Your NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit comes with the following:**

One (1) long navy blue dress with waist apron  
>One (1) white hairbow<br>One (1) pair of black Mary Janes  
>Three (3) pairs of black thighhigh socks, complete with weapon sheath straps<br>One (1) pair of daggers  
>One (1) set of assorted Swiss Army knives<br>One (1) set of throwing knives  
>One (1) set of Soviet military uniform<br>Forty-two (42) sheets of marriage papers

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><p><strong>Programming<strong>

Your NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit comes with the following traits:

Assassin: Need to dispose of an inconvenient archenemy without tainting your reputation? NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA is the best assassin money can (or perhaps cannot) offer. An expert at stalking the target and disposing of all traces of bloody evidence, she will do the job swiftly and cleanly. If you manage to persuade her to do it, that is. (Remember what we said about money? Yeah, she might not work even for loads of money. Unless you manage to convince her that the target may somehow threaten her dear brother.)

Debt Chaser: Need to get your money back from that pesky person who always borrows money but never returns it? Get NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA to do the job. If you tell her that you plan to buy IVAN BRAGINSKI vodka with that money, she will hunt the borrower down immediately. With her persistence and intimidation, you should be getting your money back (perhaps even with godly amounts of interest) in less time than it takes to say "Brother, let's become one".

Model: With her natural good looks and grace, NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA would make the perfect model – if you can convince her to be one. If you do manage to, however, she will quickly rise to be a superstar model in no time and you'd be raking in tons of cash.

Ballet Dancer: The NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit is an expert ballet dancer, having practised it tirelessly in an attempt to catch IVAN BRAGINSKI's attention. Enrol her in the ballet troupe and you'd be making loads of money.

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><p><strong>Removal of your NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit from packaging:<strong>

Please read this section of the manual carefully and follow the instructions, because the removal of your NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit from the box will prove to be lethal if done incorrectly. Flying Mint Bunny Co. is not responsible for any _disembowelment by knife_ that results from improper removal of your Unit.

1. If you have an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit, you can get him to call to the NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit in Russian. However, this may prove to be extremely difficult as an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit is programmed to fear your unit, and would be likely to violently object to helping you wake up your NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit. If this happens, you may attempt to appease him with a few bottles of vodka first before asking him again. Even if it fails, do not, under any circumstances, attempt to impersonate an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit, unless you wish for _disembowelment by knife. _

If you successfully convince your IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit to help you, the NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit will burst out of her box and cling onto your IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit. This may drive your IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit into _Afraid _mode if she holds on for too long. It is advised for you to reprogram her as quickly as possible and allow the IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit to run away.

2. If you have a TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit who is not in _Empire_ mode, you may order him to help you open the box. He will happily oblige, and you may leave him alone with the box and take cover in another room. You will then hear some angry screaming in Belarusian or Russian, accompanied by the sound of a knife slashing. Do not attempt to burst in at this point to save your TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit; he is made to withstand such treatment from NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Units (and IVAN BRAGINSKI Units too). After the sounds subside, it is safe to re-enter the room; you will meet a NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit who is already in her default _Icy _mode. You may now remove the TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit and tend to his injuries or allow a FELIKS ŁUKASIEWICZ Unit do the job. He will recover in about two hours' time.

3. If you have a YEKATERINA CHERNENKO Unit not in _Meltdown_ mode, you may ask her to open the box for you. It is safe to stay in the same room while she is doing so, but it is still recommended to stay away from the box. Your YEKATERINA CHERNENKO Unit will call for her sister and open the box; a relatively calm NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit will emerge. Do not attempt to introduce yourself or make any sudden movements; wait for your YEKATERINA CHERNENKO Unit to introduce you. After your NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit has greeted you, you may ask for permission to reprogram her. She may refuse, indicating that she is already in her default mode, and it would be wise for you not to press on the matter, unless you wish for _disembowelment by knife. _

4. If you own none of the above Units, you will have to open the box by yourself. Stand about 1.5 metres away from the box, and say "Здравствуйте, Miss Natalya, it is nice to meet you." Your Unit has been coded to respond to this sentence, and she will wake up and demand to be let out of the box. It is safe to open the lid; she will be in her default mode already. Do not attempt to reprogram her yet; let her be familiarised with you and the other inhabitants of your house before attempting to reprogram her.

If you hear no response from the box, there are two possibilities. Firstly, you might have mispronounced "Здравствуйте". It should sound something like "zdravstvuyte". You can attempt to call her again. If you still receive no response, it means that something might have gone wrong during the delivery and she might be hostile and waiting to deliver _disembowelment by knife_ to you. It is advised for you to back off swiftly and preferably put some sort of temporary barrier between you and the box (a door would hold for about five minutes) and immediately contact Customer Services; we will dispatch a nearby TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit to assist you in opening the box.

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><p><strong>Reprogramming<strong>

After you have safely removed your NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit from her packaging, you may reprogram her from her default _Icy_ mode if she has consented to be reprogrammed.

_Icy (default)_

_Intimidating (default)_

_Obsessive_

_Vicious_

_Emo_

_Gentle (locked)_

_Broken (locked)_

NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Units come in their default _Icy_ and _Intimidating _modes. These modes are rather straightforward: it means that your NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Units will be cold and aloof towards you, often making rather cutting remarks and in general being distant and unfriendly. She naturally inspires terror in others, and is known to make YEKATERINA CHERNENKO and RAIVIS GALANTE Units cry/tremble in fear with her very presence. She will also be easily annoyed by TORIS LAURINAITIS Units and may fly into a rage against them.

The _Obsessive_ mode is usually activated in the presence of an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit, but it may also be activated randomly or with references/allusions to IVAN BRAGINSKI. In this mode, your NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit will stalk said IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit night and day, begging to "be one" and pestering him to sign the marriage papers. This may knock your IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit into _Afraid_ mode, and it would thus be wise to separate these two units. However, NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Units are notorious for breaking down anything that separates her from her brother (she will even tear out doorknobs), so expect some damage to your property if you wish to separate the two. Even if you do not own an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit, your Unit may leave the house in search of one to stalk.

The _Vicious_ mode is activated when she is enraged (usually due to forced separation from an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit, or the persistence of a TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit), or when an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit is threatened, or when an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit goes into _Insane_ or _Sadistic_ mode and wishes to dispatch someone. _Disembowelment by knife_ will be dealt out swiftly and cruelly to the offender. Unfortunately, this mode is not locked and impossible to remove.

The _Emo _mode is usually a result of a NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit being excessively rejected by an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit. In this mode, she is depressed and will constantly inflict pain and injury on herself, in order to make the responsible IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit guilty. Do not attempt to cheer her up or stop her from hurting herself; she is rather violent towards anyone who tries to cheer her up. Leave it to a TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit to get her out of this mode. We are not responsible for any damage done to the TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit.

The _Gentle_ mode is locked and extremely hard to activate. Usually, only prolonged exposure to a TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit who survives her _disembowelment by knife_ is able to activate this mode. In this mode, she is, to put it simply, quite out of character. She will be really happy for once and feel guilty for the injuries she had inflicted on the TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit and care for him. IVAN BRAGINSKI Units will also not hide from her in this mode.

However, do note that NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Units are known to fake the _Gentle_ mode when around the IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit, in order for him to be willing to stay in the same room as her. A failsafe way to identify this fake _Gentle _mode (she will actually be in her _Obssessive_ mode) is that she will still be unkind to a TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit.

The last mode, _Broken_, is activated when a drunk (yes, drunk, you didn't read that wrongly) IVAN BRAGINSKI in the locked _Reminiscent_ mode gives in to her desires and rapes her (though it can't really be counted as rape since she wants it), then gets knocked out of the mode and starts avoiding her even more than usual. This mode is essentially a severe form of the _Emo _mode; apart from inflicting injury on herself, she will also constantly attempt suicide, and be even more cruel and sadistic to those who try to dissuade her.

There are currently only two ways which have been proven to get her out of this mode. You could, firstly, get an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit to actually sign her marriage papers. A normal IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit will never do this and the only time when there's a 1% chance of him doing so is when he is in his locked _Out of Character_ mode.

The second way is to get a TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit into his _Empire_ mode and forcibly get her out of this mode. However, a TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit is almost never in _Empire_ mode and it takes a lot for him to achieve this mode. In addition, both Units will inflict rather extensive damage on each other when the TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit is attempting to get the NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit out of this mode, although there is a possibility for the NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit to be knocked into _Gentle_ mode after this.

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><p><strong>Relationships with other Units:<strong>

IVAN BRAGINSKI: Your Unit is in love with her own brother with an obsessive and possessive passion. Thus, it is common for a NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit's daily activities to be focused solely around stalking the IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit and trying to convince him to sign the marriage papers. Your IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit will also constantly reject the NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit.

TORIS LAURINAITIS: This Unit is, to put it simply, NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA's willing punchbag. He is deeply infatuated with NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA, and will return to care for her time and again, even if NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA constantly deals out _disembowelment by knife_ to him. It is, however, possible for his efforts to succeed and a relationship may be possible between the two (albeit one filled with much BDSMing), although it is rarely shown to last, because the NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit is programmed to always return her affections to an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit.

ALFRED F. JONES: This unit took in NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA as an adoptive sister for a short period of time after the dissolution of the Soviet Union, and thus has developed a crush on her. NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA is surprisingly non-violent to this Unit, even if she is irritated by him. It is possible for these two to have a relationship, and if it does happen your IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit will be grateful to your ALFRED F. JONES Unit forever…for a long time, at least.

YEKATERINA CHERNENKO: Your Unit is actually quite spiteful of her sister, and will accuse YEKATERINA CHERNENKO of "stealing big brother's affections". YEKATERINA CHERNENKO will attempt to talk to NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA, but will usually end up crying and running away and apologizing profusely. Do not worry too much about your YEKATERINA CHERNENKO Unit; she's just like that.

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><p><strong>Cleaning<strong>

Your Unit is perfectly capable of cleaning herself. Do not attempt to bathe with her, unless you want your entrails to be floating around the bathtub. NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA may also try and convince IVAN BRAGINSKI to bathe with her, but he will always reject.

**Feeding**

Your Unit can't care less about what she eats, making her one of the rare Units to actually be able to eat an ARTHUR KIRKLAND Unit's cooking. She does, however, have a preference for eating her meat quite raw, meaning that she quite likes salamis and sashimis.

**Rest**

Your Unit will rest and wake up as and when she likes. Do not attempt to wake her up forcibly unless you wish for your _disembowelment by knife._ NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA's sleep cycle usually mirrors that of IVAN BRAGINSKI's.

Your NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit may also attempt to force you to let her room with IVAN BRAGINSKI, and your IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit will force you not to let her room with him. The best way to get out of this situation is to offer a TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit as sacrifice.

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><p><strong>Frequently Asked Questions<strong>

Q: My Unit is threatening to kill me!

A: Well, this is one of the dangers associated with purchasing this Unit. Did you happen to offend your IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit, or did you attempt to "steal" IVAN BRAGINSKI away from her? Either ways, you can offer a TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit as sacrifice.

Q: I dirtied/misplaced my Unit's hairbow, and now she's holding a dagger to my throat!

A: Oh dear, that hairbow was given to your Unit by IVAN BRAGINSKI and is extremely precious to her. Offer a TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit as sacrifice, and in the meantime bribe your IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit with a bottle of vodka to give her another hairbow.

Q: Are those marriage papers she came with actually official?

A: Yes, they are, and if your IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit ever signs them, he is bonded for life. Unless he can somehow convince the NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Unit to sign divorce papers.

Q: I threw away my Unit's daggers and knives because they were too dangerous and now she's strangling me with her bare hands!

A: Haven't you learned your lesson yet? Never. Touch. Her. Stuff. Contact Customer Services for a new set, and we will not be responsible for any _disembowelment by knife_ she decides to dish out to you after that.

Q: My Unit keeps disappearing from the house!

A: Chances are, you do not have an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit. Your Unit has gone off to search for one to stalk. To keep her in the house, we suggest you purchase an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit. Either that or you can always locate her with the GPS chip embedded in all our Units.

You will realize that most of your problems with your Unit will revolve around the IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit, and that most of her signs of aggression towards you can be appeased by using a TORIS LAURINAITIS Unit as a substitute sacrifice.

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><p><strong>Troubleshooting<strong>

Problem: Instead of receiving a girl in her late teens in the box, you received a little girl of about five who only speaks Belarusian and Russian and demands where her brother is.

Solution: Oops! We sent you a little!Belarus by accident. This version of the Unit is still as obsessed as ever with her brother, but a lot less scary and dangerous. Since you're probably a masochist who wants some hardcore BDSM, you may call Customer Services for a replacement.

Problem: Your Unit does not seem to be actively seeking out for her brother, only occasionally asking for where he is. She seems to be a lot closer, even obedient, to TORIS LAURINAITIS.

Solution: We don't see how this could appear to be a problem Congratulations! You have unlocked your Unit's _Kievan Rus _mode. In this mode, she has been annexed by Lithuania, who was then an empire, and is actually pretty happy with the fact. She is thus is ten times as likely to end up in a relationship with an _Empire_ TORIS LAURINAITIS.

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><p><strong>End Notes<strong>

With lots of care, substitute sacrifices and marriage papers, NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA will prove to be a loyal and wonderful companion. We wish you the best of luck (because you will need it) and hope that you enjoy your time with this Unit.


End file.
